The Nighttime Plan

They put me in charge of the Nighttime Plan. I didn’t ask for the position, but I had some success with the Evening Directive so the big wigs threw me this bone. And it is quite the bone. A boon of a bone, really. If I can pull off the Nighttime Plan, I might even get to be a part of the Moon Agenda some day.

The Plan isn’t too complex. Basically, during the brightest part of the day over the next several weeks, our people will say to passing strangers, “Great night, tonight, isn’t it?” If we receive no response, we’ll ignore them, but if anyone contradicts us, like with a “What? It’s noon, asshole” or whatever, we’ll put that person in an industrial trashbag and take them to a facility.

We’ll then surgically fuse ultra-dark sunglasses to their skin and bone (without anesthesia because that shit’s dangerous) and take them back to the same spot on another bright day and say again, “Great night, tonight, isn’t it?” and we’ll see how many will now agree with us now that their entire world is dark.

If any agree, we’ll kill them instantly because they’re lying, and even with shades, you can tell the sun is in the sky. We will not abide liars. But if they continue to disagree, we’ll give them a $10 gift card to Quiznos and praise them on their resiliency.

I’m just happy to be a part of it, really.

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